Body Image Problems And Boyfriend Who Laughs.?
Submitted by admin on October 2, 2009 – 7:06 am26 Comments
I have a pretty bad body image, but its a valid issue b/c my body is pretty gross for that of a woman my age. The thing is that i tend to gain weight more in my belly than anywhere else, and i have had 2 kids so you can only imagine. The thing is, he always wants to pinch my fat and rub my belly when he knows i hate that. I know if i exercise it will get better to a certain degree, but the problem is i want him to leave it alone. I think he does it to motivate me, should i use this as motivation or am i right to be annoyed. The thing is that im not fat, just have a disgusting tummy!
Well there are several ways to look at this and I choose to look at the positives.
*He is touching YOU
**He lifes YOU
***YOU are not fat
****Take a walk every day for 15 minutes
*****Do 50 situps a day.
******Enjoy life cause it could be worse.
What an *sshole. Get rid of him. I don’t care if he does it to “motivate” you. That’s BS. When someone knows you dislike/hate something and they don’t stop….then they need to be removed from your life. You shouldn’t put up with it.
You need to find motivation from within you. You have to want to lose weight/eat better for YOU. No one else can give you that motivation. Not even your kids. If you don’t want to lose weight and he can’t accept that (obviously he doesn’t accept you the way you are) get rid of him.
Leave him!! No guy should be teasing a female like that. If you want to improve yourself fine. Only hangout and listen to supportive people.
Don’t think and assume why he does it – ASK HIM – straight out – TELL HIM it annoys you.
Anyone who does something that they KNOW annoys you is .. a mental defective. If he continues once he knows how irritating you find it – there’s the curb..
Tell your BF that you hate when he does it use words and make sure he understands. If he continues to do so tell him to leave or you leave. Make it clear you don’t like it. If you have to get violent get violent.
let’s get right to it, forget the whole mental/emotional/psychology side of things for a second. if you can go get a physical and see what your BMI is and confirm you are in fact overweight, then you can examine what you eat and where you usually eat. venture a guess your cabinets have 10 or more things with high fructose corn syrup, you have a few cokes in the fridge, some salad cos you want to watch your weight, fruit, etc. pretty typical, right? oh and when you go out you go to fridays, mcdonalds, the mall, wherever, but you try to “be good”.
you may want to try changing the entire set of things you buy at the grocery, and stop even going to the restaurants that have 90% greasy, carb-laden and sugary foods. find a whole foods and start going to ethnic restaurants. but better than any of that is stop driving everywhere you go. get a bike and use it whenever you need to go to the corner and grab some ice cream. ooops! i mean, you know…
try it for a month. nothing beats telling the BF your BMI is better than his and you are healthier than he is. there will be no other way to rid yourself of a self image problem.
p.s. i am skeptical of any woman who says they are overweight, you’re BMI is probably more than healthy. if so, laugh at the BF for talking about sh*t he knows nothing about
well Y don’t you start a gym that helps alot
Honey I have the same mommy tummy and I love it..
But it was a long road I traveled to appreciate it. Its my “look what I did…I had a baby…look how wonderful she is…its my trophy”
As far as your BF goes, can his ***. You’ll never forget the way he did make you feel even if he did change.
get rid of him, he should love you no matter what u look like, what an assbag!
What he’s doing is unacceptable. I don’t know how big a deal you want to make of the inappropriate bf behavior issue, but he’s just wrong.
I have a feeling from your post that you’ve made your displeasure with his behavior known, and to no avail. That tells me that you two can’t communicate, or more’s the thing, that he cannot be communicated with to any meaningful degree. He sounds all slap and tickle. Those relationships are troubled from the beginning, but it isn’t usually acknowledged by the party it really bothers.
Proceed with caution.
He’s not your friend. Can him.
I am sorry to hear about your plight; my recommendation to you is to initiate a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel; explain that you are aware of your “fat” issues and really want to lose weight. Go on to imply that his actions are hurtful and are unmotivating to the situation. If he really loves you he will respect this and do his best to support you. Honesty is the best policy here, and once your insecurity with him is resolved you can focus your attention on doing things to lose weight! hope this helps…
Todd Goldfarb
Founder, We The Change
http://www.wethechange.com
i don t think it s to motivate you….it might just be something he likes to do ….i ve know guys like that….but he would not be your boyfriend if he didn t like you as you are
My boyfriend used to do that to me when I was chunky, and I hated it. He would always grab it and say he could bury his face in there and whatever else. I finally got to the point where I had to just flat out tell him, leave my stomach alone. He said he didn’t realize that it really annoyed me that much, he thought it was funny. Well, I did use it as a motivation and I have lost all the weight in my belly. Tell him to leave it alone. (:
He sounds like a jerk. My bad area is my tummy too and it’s a sore subject, big time. Why would he want to tease you like that? The only thing stopping you from getting a better body is you. He probably thinks he’s motivating you, but he’s just not helping AT ALL. You’ve told him repeatedly not to do it, and he still is? He’s not very kind, is he?
not in an aggressive way but always being assertive hold a conversation w/ him just to let him know that what he does is not a motivating type of thing. It isnt motivating you to do anything about the stomach issue its just very annoying. And find something that you know that you do that annoys him & use that to show him what your talking about. now on the flip side i have a question for you Why are you allowing someone else’s issues to become yours it doesnt seem to me like you have a problem he does. why do we as women value someone’s vision blur our sight. I havent even seen you in the physical but I can tell that you are a beautiful women with alot to offer. GOD made you the way you are for a reason embrace it and be confident in knowing that GOD dont make mistakes
He might do it to bother you but, you need to make the effort to change that. Start a diet, and do some cardio and trust me your tummy can go down a lot. I am a petite girl I weight 105 which is not alot but, when I eat fast food and foods that are not healthy all my fat goes to my tummy and I hate it because it looks horrible. All I have to do is do cardio and eat healthy and in less 3 weeks my tummy goes down. Remember everyones body is different what works for me may not work for you in the sense that it might take you longer than 3 weeks. If you loose all the tummy fat and he continues to bother you then he’s not someone you want around. He probaby has some body image issues himself and like to pick on others to feel better. Good luck!
If he likes to do things to you that he knows you do not like, he doesn’t sound like a very good boyfriend.
I wouldn’t take that as motivation to lose weight, maybe as motivation to ditch him. He should be supportive and help you loose the weight/tone up if you want to.
He could do other things like work out with you. That will help you two grow closer and help keep you on the exercise plan. Its always easier with a buddy.
I don’t think it is right that he teases you. If you want to lose the weight on your belly then do it for yourself and not for him. And don’t ever let it turn into him calling you fat or mean names.
MY BF DOES THE SAME THING BUT NOT TO TEASE ME HE LIKES THE FAT AND HE DOES IT IN A CUTE WAY. THIS SOUNDS LIKE ITS A PERSONAL PROBLEM NOT YOUR BF’S FAULT. IF YOU WANT HIM TO STOP TELL HIM HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL HE PROBABLY THINKS HE IS BEING CUTE WHEN HE PINCHES UR BELLY. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE WAY YOU LOOK DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BUT YOU NEED TO LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR BODY!
look into having a tummy tuck he dont sound like hes trying to hurt your feelings or annoy but rather he wants you to feel better about yourself
I totally hear you… I carry my weight in my tummy and I didn’t even have kids! I would tell him that you honestly don’t like it and that he needs to stop. If you are self-conscious about it, he has no right to use that as motivation. Instead, he should be supportive and ask you if you want to join a gym with him or go for a run, etc.
To start you dont have a body image problem. Like me you just have to be happy with yourself and dont worry about what anyone else thinks I know that hard but it is the truth. If you feel unhappy with how you look then you should only change it if you want to not because he pinching it. But there is nothing wrong wioth telling him it makes you uncomfortable Im sure he would probably stop. 129 is not fat out of shape or anything.
He’s not cutting you down. From what I read, it seems that he thinks it’s cute.
But if you feel that strongly just talk to him. Tell him that it makes you feel self conscious and you’d really appreciate it if he wouldn’t mess with it.
He sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is not motivation,people like that,bring others down cause in some demented way that makes them feel better about themselves.
lyposuction is the answer!
Nah i do that to my girl all the time…she hates it. i do it endearingly…she thinks im calling her fat.